why does everyone have to go crazy

so i should be studying for my finals that are tomorrow but of course i am stalling.
why do i find my self here so often? does this sort of thing happen to everybody and i just over react more than most? or is it something about me that makes these things happen.
First it was Doug. We said 'i love you' after we had only known eachother for a week. i guess you could say we rushed into things. after that we were obsessed with eachother. for the next month we spent every day together. then he started his night job and everything that was good about us pretty much ended there. he became deeply depressed and turned a alcholol and verbal abuse. he was meaner to me than anyone ever had been before in my life, and i took it. i put up with it becuase i knew that wasnt really who he was. i told myself it was just his job that was making him like this. So i put up with it for a year. i put up with him telling me he was embarrased to introduce me to people, and i put up with his constant critisims. at 17 i was putting a drunken man to bed at 5 in the morning and getting up and going to highsschool a few hours later. after his job finally consumed him and we stopped hanging out very often (we would see eachother a couple times a month), i tried to break up with him. my attempts were always thwarted when he would get the crazed look in his eyes and say that he was going to kill himself that night. i was at a loss of what to do. so i tried to make him hate me, which was hard to do when we never even saw eachother. so one night i made out with another boy. that was my solution. i wasn't even sure if it would work considering that 5 months ago he had been smoking crank and made out with another girl. i sure know how to pick 'em.
So that was incidence number 1. did i do the right thing? probally not, but i didnt know what else to do.

Incidence number 2 was Dena. My best friend forever and former roomate. The only person that really knew me better than I knoew myself. i loved her more than anyone. we were kids and we were both nuts. we did crazy shit all the time, and then went home and played yahtzee or made collages or glued coins all over the garage floor. we had a blast i can say that with out hesitation. what i hesitate to say is who changed. Did she get crazier, or did i get saner? or did i just become too concerend with what others thought. if you are freinds with Dena you sacrifice everone else in your life becuase no one else can stand her. and that wasnt a sacfrice i wanted to make. did i do the right thing? probably not, but its what i did and i have to live with it.

so incidence number 3, i always thought in the back of my mind was bound to happen, i just didnt know i would still be around to see it. When someone is that arrogant they must be convering something up. One of my best freinds in the whole world told me the other day he tried to kill himself. he told me on instant messanger! He said it was "2 nights ago" and 2 nights ago i remember exactly what i had been doing. i was hanging out a Mikes house playing cards and drinking beer. i was also texting on my phone to Chad. nothing really unusual "do you like puppies?" " i LOVE puppies and snoopy!" so when we were watching a movie I stopped texting him because it was getting annoying and its pretty rude to be laying in bed with someone and texting! even though not texting someone back is prolly not that big of a deal, i cant help but think, what if there were something i could have done?
So what do i do now? Save my self like i did from doug and dena? or do everything in my power to help him. but still what do i do? he doesnt even live in the same state! and you cant half ass something like this, even the slightest wrong move could be it. i guess life comes down to this. the decisions we make when it really matters. this is what defines us.